literature

Gifs - Rewrite

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Stupid idea, stupid, stupid idea. He cursed himself, in every language he knew as he ran into the woods, away from the huge, no, colossus dome that encased the Academy. The city wasn’t far, but he couldn’t go there. He looked up, the Terras were following him too, at least eight of them. A whole flock devoted to his capture.
“I should’ve just waited until graduation…no, no.” he was shaking his head, jumping over fallen trees, what little foliage that was there had been crushed by some massive creature. Probably a Raptor. Oh god. He looked behind him, and sure enough, a pair of the horrific beasts were following him. Their tongues lolling from their mouth. They were Velociraptors with enhanced intelligence and dexterity; they could even use guns, if they wanted to. Shock troops to the United Cities of Eurasia. UCE, Heh, what a joke. The ‘nation’ that genetically engineered humans to make them post-human as they called it. Made them ‘superior’ to regular humans, Normals. Norms.
He shook his head, no time to think about that, no time, no time. The Raptors were gaining, too fast. There’s no way I can get away, he thought dimly, oxygen had stopped being used in his muscles, anaerobic respiration, he could only keep running for so long…


“That idiot.” The thought floated freely as she watched him run, it was almost amusing, regardless, it would probably be in both of their best interest for her to take him up. She shrugged and angled the copter down, hovering for a moment about fifty feet from the runaway; the Raptors were almost within biting distance.
She pulled out the microphone and yelled into it, her voice was channeled through a bullhorn.
“Hey! Kid, climb up the ladder,” The kid looked up, startled by the sudden headlamps of the copter, squinting in their bright light. He grabbed the rope ladder that she’d dropped down and began to climb. The Terras wouldn’t be bothered by the copter, since the pilot had the appropriate registration. Terras were the police of the sky, diving and swerving, scanning humans’ biosignatures for authentic identification and modified DNA. They were basically Pterodactyls, with a few enhancements courtesy of the UCE, enhancements that made them perfect for anything from tracking runaways to killing them.  
She pulled up at the kid got through the door and shut it. He was gasping for breath. She put it on auto, hover, and opened the door a bit, slashing the rope ladder so it fell on the bewildered Raptors. With a nod to herself she slid back into the pilot’s seat and took the controls from the auto-pilot.
“Hey, kid.” She said as she started to pull up from the hover. The Raptor below was screaming at his escaped prey, and in turn, screeching an alarm to nearby Terras. They only looked at the creature with disgust.
The boy looked to be about fifteen, his hair was bright red, and his eyes were brown. He was wearing the simplistic clothing provided at the Academy, tan cargo pants and a black tee-shirt with the Academy’s logo printed in white ink.
“I’m Kat, one and only pilot to the resistance,” She grinned and flexed the stubs on her back that used to be wings. She wore a tank-top with slits cut just for that purpose. Her pants were baggy, camouflage. Her hair was dark brown, her skin was pale, her eyes hazel.
“I used to be a Gif, like you. But they took my wings when I tried to escape. Luckily, I found you before you could suffer a similar punishment.” The kid looked horrified,  
“Don’t worry, kid. You’ll be a Wolf before you know it. It’s only about a hundred miles from the Academy to Mal City. Sit back and enjoy the ride.”
Grarh. :K
This is a rewrite of my Gifs project, since I realized it made no sense as it was and was just general crap with pacing and plotting. -_-
So I began rewriting it, I would love it it someone would be interested in being an editor of sorts for me, someone I can bounce ideas off of and plot this with....Not grammar crap, just making sure things make sense to people besides myself....

I'm not really thinking this is going to get published....I just want to see if I can finish it...or get it further than six chapters. (HUR HUR)
If you're interested in being my 'editor' you can note me or e-mail me at aardvarkishated@aim.com

:glomp: Thanks! :D Critique is as always, appreciated, this is just a trial part, really.
I have the plot (to a point) in my head and the world's already set up...I think. It mostly makes sense. :) If you become my editor you'll get full access to my brain and can pick it at any time you wish. ;D
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Gracechan's avatar
I didn't read everything, but what i did read was interesting :) Maybe you should publich it, who knows, maybe it turns out to be great! I mean, i would read it!!
So tell me, did you get your editor??